Commander Max Devereaux shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The shuttle craft around him, the Dorothy, groaned in protest as the pilot gently coaxed her into the air.
Doctor Cavin, seated two rows in front of Max turned around and glanced at him nervously. He flashed a confident grin, assuring her of the integrity of the Dorothy.
Inside he didn’t feel as confident, but, then again, he had learnt not to show his true feelings on the surface. His crew thought him a brave and fearless Commander as he had led them to believe, however, most of the time he was scared half out of his wits.
With an audible whine and a sudden and sickening thrust into the air, the Dorothy was airborne and headed off to her mother ship, The Candalian.
Max almost threw up when the shuttle abruptly left the planet’s atmosphere and gravity lost her hold on the crew. He hated anti-gravity; it made his stomach churn, even when he was strapped securely in his seat.
“Artificial Gravity initiated” stated the pilot over the intercom. Max almost cheered for sheer relief but restrained himself as he realised he still didn’t have a firm hold on his stomach.
Doctor Cavin unharnessed herself and made her way back to him, occupying the seat next to his. “God, I thought that this boat would never leave the ground!” she exclaimed with obvious relief. Max just nodded, unable for the moment to speak, afraid that if he did the good Doctor would witness what he’d had for breakfast.
After a moment of studying his pale, pinched face, Cavin misunderstood Max’s reason for distress and proceeded to cluck her tongue, disapproving of his discomfit. When he just stared blankly back at her, she shook her head and said, “You shouldn’t be afraid Max; it won’t be that bad. I know for a fact that your home is free of all your childhood fears,” When he stayed silent, “All of the monsters are gone Max,” she insisted, concerned.
Max just smiled and turned to looked out of the porthole.
Cavin got up and left Max to his musing at the stars. Shaking her head once again, she briefly touched his shoulder and said softly, “You shouldn’t be afraid.” With that parting message, she returned to her seat.
Max watched as the Candalian came slowly into view. It wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid, he was, but for all entirely different reasons. Cavin assumed that he was scared of the monsters that had once stalked him in his sleep. That had killed his entire family in front of him, and then tried to kill him. No, he wasn’t afraid of them, he was afraid of himself.
He could never, no matter how hard he tried, explain half of what he’d had to do to survive. Looking back on it now, he realised that he had been just as bad, maybe worse than they had been. That was what scared him.
He had tried to make it up by accepting the command of the Candalian, humanity’s symbol of justice and peace. He had commanded more successful missions to eradicate crime in the galaxy than he could count. Yet, he never did encounter those monsters again.
He had looked. Oh God he had looked! There was absolutely, he knew, no chance that the monsters had inhabited only his home planet. He had seen their ships and had witnessed armadas being built. He refused to believe that there weren’t more of them out there, in the universe, somewhere.
Despite what the Doctor said, there was something to be afraid of. Him.
The shuttle gave a slight shudder as she docked with the Candalian. The great bay doors opening for her return home.
From here, the Candalian would travel to Max’s home planet, New Colony. It would take her several months to make the trip, and it was likely that her commander would not come back with her. Max planned to stay behind, to face his inner demons so to speak. He knew that it would take more than a couple of days; more likely, it would take a couple of years. No matter how attached he was to what had been his home for the past ten years, the Candalian, he couldn’t even consider taking her out of service for that amount of time. Crime, didn’t stop, it just slowed down.
He had to face himself on his own; Max knew this to the very core of his being. His emotional detachment from the world was over; it was high time that he discovered himself, and he had to go home for that.
In his cabin, Max mulled over the possibility of suspending the mission. Indefinitely. Whenever he turned to this solution, he balked at the thought of giving up before he had even started. He berated himself for being such a coward. When he was younger he had had to face his fears everyday, he had never quit then, he certainly wasn’t about to do it now.
During the two month trip, Max often talked to Doctor Cavin. She had insisted on accompanying him on his journey home. He had then smiled and agreed though he decided quietly that she would not leave the Candalian once they had arrived.
The plan was simple, however difficult it was to pull off. He would tell no living soul of his decision to stay behind. Once the Candalian was in orbit around New Colony, Max would insist on going down first, alone in the Dorothy. He would then fake a crash and because the Dorothy was so fragile and old, it would be totally believable.
Max could then reflect on his soul in peace and in his own time. People would assume he was dead and would leave the planet alone in respect.
There would be a search party, but Max knew the landscape better than anybody on that ship. He could and would easily disappear.
The day finally came and Max joined Doctor Cavin on the bridge to view New Colony from above.
Cavin, upon his arrival at her side, turned to him and gave him a dazzling smile that he was sure to miss in his solitude.
“Home, sweet, home, Commander” she said.
Max thought about the nightmare mission ahead and the pending self-inflicted solitude. “Yes. Home, sweet, home.”
Subject: Home Sweet Home 
Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:50 pm
